Parenting Made Simple

Is Your Childcare Damaging Your Child?

2009-05-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Through my other blogs, you have been able to read about effective parenting methods that will simplify your life.

But, what happens, when your child is someone else's care for 40 hours a week?

Chances are, even with your best parenting skills at work while you are with your child they are being counter-acted while at daycare.

There are many possible causes and I'd be happy to personally discuss them with you. You can contact me directly at: Jillian@YourParentingMadeSimple.com

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Not only is this frustrating for you as the parent to see your hard work being flushed down the toilet, but more importantly it can also be damaging to your child.

Research has shown that 70% of brain connections are formed during your child's first 5 years of life. That is a pretty intense fact. Whatever care your child receives in those formidable years will impact them for the rest of their lives!

Just knowing this simple fact alone, not to mention the importance of:

1) social development
2) behavior
3) and health/nutrition...

you can quickly see the negative impact of poor childacre and how finding the highest quality of care you can afford is of the utmost importance.

It may seem like a daunting task, but I assure you it is possible.

For a limited time, I am offering all my years of experience in early childhood development and bundling it up into a very convenient package as your personal nanny.

This is a very exclusive offering and seeing how there is only one of me, only one special family will reap the benefits of this professional service. So do contact me right away.

Not only will you get my knowledge and expertise, but my collaboration with you, the parent. As your child's parent, you are always their first teacher. This is why we need to have a partnership that will provide your child the best in care and the ability to reach your goals.

If you are ready to put your child first and provide them with the best care possible, contact me immediately. Again, there is only one of me and many families like yours that would benefit from my services.

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You now have several options to contact me!
By phone: 360-980-4757
By Email: Jillian@YourParentingMadeSimple.com
And My Website: http://yourparentingmadesimple.com/
On my site, you can download my FREE ebook, "5 Simple Methods to Regain Parental Control" and my FREE report, "What is Low Quality Childcare Costing You?"
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How To Find An End To The Constant, "MOM!"

2009-04-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

As a mother of multiple children, I completely understand the headaches that come along with sibling bickering and tattling. The name of mom takes on a new meaning, when you hear it shrieked with a whiny, demanding cry all over the house, followed by "..... he hit me" or something similar.

So, how do we put an end to the constant cries and arguments. With multiple children, we know is going to happen, but how can we cut it down so that it doesn't consume the entire day?

As with all of my parenting methodology that I have written about in my blogs and ebook, the idea is very simple. Take a step back. Put the responsibility in the hands of your children, and relax.

With just a few simple steps you can take control of the arguments by taking the backseat.

Step 1: Identify the problem between your children.
Example: "I see that you both really want the red ball."

Step 2: Give them the responsibility.
Example: "What do you think we can do?"

Step 3: Wait.... and Listen.
The children may come up with some very unrealistic ideas, or they may feel stuck coming up with just one.

Step 4: Clarify the workable ideas.
Example: "So you think you should have the ball first for 10 minutes and then Suzy can have the ball for 10 minutes?"

Step 5: Recognize the children's ability to negotiate.
Example: "You guys talked to each other and you solved the problem all by yourselves!"

In the beginning, this may seem like a lot of work. However, I guarantee that if you stick with it, you will take the backseat to sibling arguments and the kids will be able to solve their problems without you even being there.

In actuality, you don't need to stop it, you do need to teach your children to have confidence in their own abilities to handle a disagreement.

Instead of being the parent all of the time, you become the mediator, the psychologist and the teacher.

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For more information on this and other simple parenting methods or to schdeule your own private consultation with me, contact me at, Jillian@YourExpertTeacher.com or by phone,
360-980-4757.
Happy Parenting!
Jillian
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Are You Asking Your Child's Permission To Parent?

2009-04-21T23:08:00.000-07:00

Maybe you do it, maybe you have heard it. The statement a parent makes to their child and ends it with a question. For example, "Listen to your teacher. Ok?" "Clean up your toys. Ok?"

I'm not sure why parents are adding the question. Is it to soften the parental guidance? Whatever the reason, it is wrong.

As a parent, your role is to guide your child through his development. As his guide you need to be confident about where you are taking him. No one wants to follow a guide that is unsure about where they are going. No one.

The message that gets across to your child, is that your authority should be questioned and they have a choice to not be obedient. Then these children feel that they can disobey any adult. They have not learned proper boundaries which will help them thrive.

As discussed in my ebook, "5 Simple Methods to Regain Your Parental Control: The Time Has Come. The Time Is Now." A confident, successful parent offers "A" and "B" choices and always holds control of the journey they are guiding their children on.

Jillian

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May 23rd, 2009 Parenting Made Simple Workshop ~ Effective Discipline
Please join me for a fun and exciting workshop that will give you the toolbox to be the
confident and successful parent you want to be!
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What Are Natural Consequences And How To Utilize Them

2009-04-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

We have all heard that term "Natural Consequences" at some point in relation to parenting, but do you really understand what that means? If utilized correctly, Natural Consequences can become your main disciplinary method and the best part is, you are never the bad guy!

Let Me Break It Down For You

Natural consequences occur with every action that we take in life... for every action there is a reaction. The reaction or consequence of our actions is not necessarily good or bad. It just is. No judgement, just the result of our own behavior.

How It Can Be One Of Your Parenting Tools

All of us, adults and children alike face natural consequences that we don't like and in turn feel like a punishment. As an adult, if I don't pay my water bill, my water will get turned off. I may be feeling angry with the water company for turning off the water but really that was the natural consequence for me not paying my bill.

The same works for our kids. Let's say it looks like it is about to rain outside and you know that you will be out and about in the weather with your child. You grab your raincoat, hand your child his raincoat and begin to walk out the door.

Putting It In Action

Well, your child says, "I don't want to wear my coat!" As, I discussed in my previous blog and my ebook, you offer your child the choice to wear his coat or carry it. Your child says with a slight defiance, "I'm gonna carry it." You walk outside and it is raining; your child is rained on and is now wet.

As always, you keep your calm demeanor and you say, "You are wet from the rain because you chose to not wear your coat. That probably feels uncomfortable, I hope that next time you wear your coat." Your child is uncomfortable from being rained on, but yes oh yes, he will survive.

No further discipline is needed. As the parent, you let your child remain wet, this is the Natural Consequence. The next time you tell your child "here is your raincoat, it raining outside." Your child will remember how uncomfortable he felt wet when he didn't listen to you and the battle no longer exists and you didn't even have to raise your voice.

Want To Know More?

You have a couple of options, you can download my free ebook, "The Time Has Come, The Time Is Now! 5 Simple Methods to Regain Your Parental Control." Or, if you really want to get a handle on behavior issues and disciplinary methods that work and allow you to enjoy your children, you can contact me for a parenting consultation at yourexpertteacher@gmail.com

How To Make Time-Out Work For You And Your Child

2009-04-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Discipline methods have come a long way from the times of, "Go get a switch" or "Wait til your father comes home!" However, there always seems to be a new trend in what is really appropriate for your child. Spanking, grounding, reward methods, forced time-outs, the list goes on.

As a parent, part of our role is to understand why we choose to discipline our child the way we do. Is it because that is what our parents did with us? Did we learn from that method? What did we learn from that method? My father told me the story of when he was a boy and was told to "go get a switch" he admited he learned to run faster, hide better and develop the ability to lie to his parents. For him, being physically punished taught him he did not want to get caught.

It was incidences like this and a high rate of child abuse cases, that led to the research of other methods as the preferred disciplinary method. Eventually we came to the popularity of Time-Out. Time-out's varied with the use of a chair, a corner, sticking your nose on the wall, go to your room, set minutes and even the use of restraint during the time-out process in-order to make the child stay in time out.

These Versions Don't Work

The philosophy behind time-out is very simple, all it means is to literally take a time-out. When a child takes that break away from the situation, it becomes an effective way to learn self-control. The child begins to understand what his or her body needs. "I need to feel calm, I need to make another choice so I can rejoin the family and the fun. I need to use my words to communicate how I am feeling."

In order for you to have effective time-outs, you must give your child the confidence and ability to learn their own emotions and develop self-regulation. When your child engages in misbehavior, provide one warning alerting your child that they will have to leave the activity if the misbehavior continues. If your child continues after your warning, calmly respond in your regular voice, "Your body is showing me that you need to take a break until you can listen to my words."

Then, if your child has the ability to remove themselves outside of the activity, have them do that. Otherwise, very calmly remove your child from the activity and let him know he can come and join you when his body is ready to make good choices.

Time Out Is A Teaching Tool

There are no pre-set time limits, no naughty chairs or corners. Time-out is not meant to degrade the child as punishment. It should be used as a tool to teach your child self regulation of behavior and emotional control.

Time Out Is Not Your Only Tool For Disciplining Your Child

Please remember parents, you have a tool box of methods to use when parenting your child. Time-outs are not intended to be used for every circumstance. For more information on handling misbehaviors and regaining your parental control download my free ebook, "The Time Has Come, The Time Is Now! 5 Simple Methods to Regain Your Parental Control."

How Boundaries Will Make Your Child Thrive!

2009-04-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

In my years as a Parent Educator, I can clearly recall walking into a home that was covered in crayon and marker. It was on every wall, every piece of furniture, the carpet, everything! The mother sat tiredly on the couch during our visit. She looked completely exhausted. When I approached with her the topic of the drawings all over the house, she simply said, "He doesn't listen to me, he does what he wants."

At the time, this child was almost 3 years-old. Not only did this child have a difficult time listening to his mother, he also had a difficult time engaging in activities, maintain focus, and speaking.

You may be thinking, that this child had some sort of diagnosis. He didn't. It was completely environmental. It resulted from lack of boundaries.

Why Boundaries Make Your Child Thrive

We are not born into this world knowing what to do. Our bodies develop and the brain gives us basic survival abilities, how to eat, move, etc. But it does not give us nourishment, direction, guidance. Those pieces come from our caregiver and our environment.

An environment of chaos, anything goes perspective and a caregiver without guidance provide little nourishment for the brain. Typically this parenting style is done with the good intention of not wanting to stifle the child's growth. In Actuality, it does the opposite.

How Boundaries Make Your Child Thrive

The purpose of boundaries is not to stifle our personal growth and discovery. Research has shown that children that grow up not having boundaries are more likely to have problems in school, relationships and life. When a child is given clear and consistent expectations for his or her behavior that child is no longer faced with the questions like, "Is this ok?" or "How come it's ok here but not there?"

When a child doesn't have to be ask himself that, he can focus on learning and growth. The child knows to use the crayon on the paper and can then create a beautiful drawing rather than aimless scribble.

Learning to live within boundaries of our environment; relationships, schooling, and work allow us to have control in every aspect. When a child understands expectations, she meet or exceed them.

Are You In A Constant Battle With Your Child? Try This!

2009-04-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

One of the most difficult pieces of parenting is quite simply, the arguments between you and your child. You tell them to step left, and they step right. At times the arguments can seem completely mundane but yet they don't ever stop. Or, worse yet you find yourself arguing with your 3 year-old who really doesn't understand the conversation fully anyway.

This one very simple parenting method can put an end to the endless, mundane arguments taking place everyday between you and your child and give you back your parental control.

Offer Choices

Yes, I know this sounds ridiculously simple. And, really it is. However, there is a specific manner in which to offer these very specific and parent directed choices.

The Art to Offering "A" and "B" Choices

There are three important rules when initiating this parenting method;

* The first one is to remember you are the parent, you are in control and you decide which two
favorable choices to offer.

* The second rule is to maintain a very calm demeanor when offering the choices.

* And finally, follow through with the decision your child made.

Examples of "A" and "B" Choices

It is quickly approaching bed time for your child. They are watching their favorite TV show before bed and you notice it has about 5 minutes left. You offer your child a choice, "Would you like to go to bed now, or when your show is over?" The child will most likely say, "When my show is over." This is good, this is the response you predicted... The TV show ends and you walk over to your child and say, "OK, Timmy you decided when your show was over you would go to bed. The show is finished, time for bed."

Immediately, you have removed the opportunity for a battle. Instead of walking over as the show was almost done and turning off the TV and saying to your child,"Go to bed!"in which case you would get a very vocal, "NO! I don't want to!" and crying at the very least, you have very calmly maintained control of the situation by giving your child an "A" and "B" choice, in which you were ultimately controlling the outcome. Either choice he made, Timmy was still going to bed.

"A" and "B" choices work in every situation. From the very simple "Do you want to wear your coat or carry your coat?" To the more complex of, "You can get off of that table or I will take you off the table." When offering an "A" and "B" choice it is also helpful with the reluctant child to count to 3 (or whichever number you want)and let them know you will then make the choice for them. In every situation I have ever had to do the "count down" with, the child makes the choice before I reach the final number.

Whatever you and your child are battling about, 9 times out of 10, the need for control is at the route of it. By allowing your child to feel in control of their day, you eliminate the need to argue. Ultimately though, the parent, is always in control.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: My name is Jillian Bragg. I have been an advocate for children and families, an educator and an education consultant for 10 years. I am available to give specialized strategies to parents and caregivers in need of help with the children they love.
You don't have to do this alone. Send me an email and let me help you enjoy being a parent again. yourexpertteacher@gmail.com
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How To Respond To Your Childs Misbehavior

2009-04-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Times have changed. This is obvious in everything; the way we do business, shop, work, have relationships and it also applies to how we parent our children. Children are now being raised in the "information age" and information is at their fingertips.

No longer can we expect that our children are going to wait. Not for their "father to get home" or anything else. These children have a certain level of control not seen in previous generations. They are taught more at younger ages and expected to do and handle more, as "little adults." We want our children to think outside of the box, be innovative in this new age, be a leader.

But, what happens when that innovative, smart thinking child begins to question his/her parent at every turn, simply because we taught them that they should? As parents, we want our children to learn, grow and become self-sufficient beings, however we must maintain parental control.

Behavior is Communication

It is important when dealing with behavior issues to understand what your child is trying to communicate to you. This will help you differentiate between "mistaken behavior" and "misbehavior."

All children will reach a stage in their development of experimenting with their behavior. This is "the what will you do if ......" behavior. This is mistaken behavior. This occurs when a child is reaching a new development stage or has recently been exposed to others with this behavior. The child is looking for the shock value and parental response.

For example: Your child uses an explicit word for the first time at Grandma's house. Your child wasn't purposefully trying to do something wrong. Your child heard this word at sometime from an upset adult, was feeling upset and thought they would try out this new word he or she just learned.

There are two ways you can respond that will either instigate a misbehavior in the future or distinguish it in its tracks.

Response 1: Yell, scream, get upset, punish your child for saying a "bad word" and immediately let your child know they just found a good button to push when they want to make you mad. Therefore, turning it into a future misbehavior.

Or...

Response 2: Remain very calm, nonchalant and say to your child something like: "Hmm, you sound upset. You can tell me you feel mad." The behavior stays a mistake, you have given your child the appropriate language to use when they feel upset in the future.

Simply by you controlling your response to your child, you are also controlling your child's behavior that will maintain in the future, not just until "the next time."

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: My name is Jillian Bragg. I have been an advocate for children and families, an educator and an education consultant for 10 years. I am available to give specialized strategies to parents and caregivers in need of help with the children they love.
You don't have to do this alone. Send me an email and let me help you enjoy being a parent again. yourexpertteacher@gmail.com
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